Anxiety and Self-Compassion
I’m sitting at my computer trying to figure out what to blog about the topic of anxiety. I thought maybe I could blog about the ways to help a person fall asleep when experiencing anxiety. Or writing about the physical symptoms of anxiety. The more I tried to narrow down what to write about, I began to feel anxious and after a while I had to walk away from my computer and do something else. Yep, I was feeling anxious and quickly wanted to avoid it. While I vacuumed, which was my source of avoidance, I thought what am I so anxious about? Even now as I am writing this my heart is pounding. When I explored deeper, I realized I was experiencing fear. What was I afraid of? Well, what if I write something and it is not good?
At times, my anxiety stems from the fear of not being good enough, which can be a trigger for me. The fear of not being good enough can drive me to the point of not doing what I want to do to reach my goals. Or I procrastinate which isn’t helpful either. Sometimes I don’t even realize what is going on with me when feeling anxious. I get caught up in the moment and anxiety takes over. It’s not fun feeling anxious, and I want it to go away as fast as possible. I have learned that pausing and taking some deep breaths helps to slow down my nervous system is a great first step. Then I can begin to show myself some self-compassion in those times of anxiety – and it really helps.
In the past I would beat myself up “emotionally” by judging myself harshly, feeling flawed and thinking that I am the only one that experiences anxiety. From a young age I engaged in a great amount of negative self-talk that was not helpful. When I was older and started doing my own personal therapy, I learned they were automatic thoughts that I had most of my life without even being aware of them. Working with a therapist I gained the perspective of thinking “Would you tell a good friend who is experiencing anxiety to get over it, you are weak, and flawed?” No, you wouldn’t, so why would you say those things to yourself?
Negative self-talk affects our body and emotions. The brain processes negative self-talk as an attack against ourself. Our fight/flight/freeze response kicks in and cortisol is released. In early times, this response system was important for survival from physical harm. Today, the system still protects us from physical danger especially when we perceive a threat to our self-esteem or self-concept because of a harsh criticism or judgmental comment.
This is where self-compassion helps while experiencing anxiety. Self- compassion provides a space to be with the anxiety instead of avoiding or resisting it. Mindfulness, self-kindness and common humanity are the 3 elements of self-compassion and I will explain the role of each element in self-compassion.
Practicing mindfulness consists of allowing thoughts, emotions and sensations to be what they are. Mindfulness helps us to turn toward our anxiety and suffering. It has taken time and practice for me to utilize mindfulness and sometimes it is still a struggle for me.
Being supportive and encouraging of ourself with unconditional acceptance is self-kindness. Asking ourself what we need in that moment of anxiety and suffering is an act of self-kindness. Loving kindness phrases such as May I feel peace, May I be healthy are also ways of providing self-kindness.
The last element is common humanity. Many times, feeling alone with anxiety separates us from others, and we feel that no one else deals with it. It may feel true at that moment, however everyone experiences anxiety at some point. Everyone. Common humanity is not to minimize our anxiety, it validates and normalizes our experience by reminding us that we aren’t alone.
Self-compassion has been helpful for me when I am feeling anxious. As I felt anxious about writing this blog, I utilized self-compassion throughout the process a lot. Most of us try to avoid and resist our feelings of anxiety because it doesn’t feel good. Unfortunately, the more we avoid and resist our anxiety, the more power it has.
I still plan to blog about anxiety and sleep, and what the physical symptoms are of anxiety in the future so stayed tuned. I’m sure I will continually need to utilize self-compassion as I write these blogs. Read more about anxiety treatment and let’s connect for a free 15 minute consultation.
